The Katmah Experience

Ever had those days where the universe seems determined to bring you down, no matter what you do? Emotional roller coster, you could call it. I’ve had a few of those lately, and it’s all I can do usually to remind myself of all I have to be grateful for in my life. It’s been a amusement park of a year for me, so far, and if I remember correctly last fall I was going through an equally rough time in my first couple months over seas and really could not see how any part of it was going to get better soon. But it did. By the time I got back to Canada six months later I had experienced so many ups and downs and turnarounds that I was able to hit the ground running almost as soon as I got off the plane. Since then I’ve been going full speed ahead. Lately I’ve been forced to slow down again and one might say I’m not handling it well. Which when I think about it, is not something that should bother me as much as it does. This time I’m spending in recovery is really not going to have that much long term effects on my life after its over. In a few months time I doubt I’ll even think about it much. I probably won’t even have a hugely visible scar. I guess the worst part about this recovery time is that I have too much time to ponder about this, that, and the other things. My friend, who coincidentally just returned from her own NZ adventure, expressed having the same problem of having too much thinking time while she is home a lot of the day and still searching for employment since her return. This can be good, or it can be bad. Right now it’s the latter, through no fault but my own. I get easily frustrated when it comes to my body. And lately, it’s given me plenty of opportunities to become more frustrated. I never really wanted this surgery, however minor. But, it was the best option- I think.  I knew recovery was going to be hard for me, but somehow I underestimated how hard. Past that, I’m still struggling with hip, back, and shoulder problems that seem to linger no matter what I do to remedy them. Right now, they are worse then usual- because  my regular stretching and exercises are impossible due to recovery. If you have read my posts over the past year you’ll know that this has also been similar to a theme park ride, one second these injuries are getting better and we’ve found something that helps long term- and then it’s all flipped again. It’s easy to see how if one thinks about stuff like this for too long, it would lead to frustration and a less then ideal mind set.

What should I be thinking about? I have lots to be thankful for in my life. Parents who support me, wonderful friends, family, and coaches, an amazing horse, overall great health, the opportunity to get an education in a career path I love, and so much else. I’ve had the chance to travel and do things many people my age haven’t. I have so much to look forward to. It’s hard to see through the bad when it’s physically all you can feel. Perspective is what it comes down to. And after the day I had today, I’m realizing I need to check mine. After all, am I really complaining about having time to be lazy and relax during the summer? Who does that?! All that negative stuff in my life is going to be there after I’m recovered. And I’ll be in a much better place to handle it later on, probably. It’s too easy to get stuck in a dark place. I’ve done it too many times already. I don’t often get a chance to slow down with my schedule. I shouldn’t be spending it being grumpy and wishing it was a different way. It’s out of my control, and I can’t change it now. All I can do is make the best of what it is, and remind myself of all the good things.

The happiness of your life depends on the quality of your thoughts.