Realization

“We all wait for a mirror to show us who we are, to validate us. When we hear something about ourselves that we have never heard before, it feels like a blessing, and it gives power.”

For months I’ve been receiving reflections, projections, and deflections from those in my life. Reminding me who I am, who I was, who I am becoming. I learned to not take them personally, just to grow from them where I could and leave the rest for the individuals to figure out for themselves. I grew strong in retaining the lessons necessary and expressing gratitude for all of it… yet all of a sudden, a new phase of less reflections and more observations as to what I’m doing, who I’m becoming, and where I’m headed are coming at me. Not in a way that is negative- just in a way that is factual- I’m hearing people describe me and having to adjust who I think I am and where I think I stand (in good ways). The first few times it happened, I accept with gratitude and move along assuming I am at the level I’ve always associated at.. However, a new wave of realization has hit me. I’m not at that level anymore. I, myself, without really quite noticing it fully, have grown up and forgotten to take note of the new stage of things being hurled at me at brand new velocities.

I’ve written before about a sense of power that is new to me. In the last few months I’ve been challenged and pushed in new ways, mostly in relation to my businesses and professional practice. It’s provided a stark reflection on how much operating and developing professionally as a therapist as well as a owner/operator is a mirror of my own personal development.

The last big shift I had was about realizing my values and what I envisioned my professional endeavours to stand for. Figuring out my whys and letting that lead me towards a how.

Figuring out how to shift cultures and grow communities, how to take myself out of my brands and grow them for a larger vision, using my strengths and weaknesses as the toolbox- one of many key parts of the puzzle.

I feel suddenly like I am stepping into a new world, one that I’ve created by putting so much gosh darn belief into it happening that it now exists. In real time. And I’m not the only one seeing it. It’s REAL.

I’ve also written and reflected lots lately on faith. With the acknowledgment of internal power came a newfound solidity in my faith.

Never in my life have I believed as much as I do as of late that things are conspiring in my favour. The more I frame in gratitude (because of course things are not always rosy, but if you reflect long enough they always have a takeaway), the more all I see is opportunity and what once were my wildest dreams becoming fast approaching reality.

Recently I have been aware of little snippets and pieces of my day that feel like small words of direction or guidance. Sometimes it’s in the form of an actual conversation. Often it’s a gut feeling (that I know now never to ignore). People are surfacing to offer the precisely needed words, tools, or presence and I’m all of a sudden seeing community blossoming around the intentions I’ve put out there.

Integrative Movement transitioned into two new expansions this spring. One was one that spoke to me on a new level. The other expansion was one that challenged me to shift my thinking and acknowledge some old anxieties and fears before the clarity came forwards.

One was easy and seamless, the other required me to dig deeper mentally to reap some rewards I had sowed seeds for years ago (unknowingly at the time of course!).

Both transitions, had they become possibilities even 6months earlier then when they did, would not have been ones the business, nor myself, were ready for. The timing in which they did occur, even though it meant months for me of mental exhaustion, faith testing, and peering into what I truly saw for all my projects longer term- was essentially ideal. I realized this as I was scraping latex paint off a vinyl desk installed into the wall of one of the new spaces. I, as a business owner and professional, was not ready for this until right in that moment.

It dawned on me recently that I am no longer building a small start up style company, but that I am all of a sudden adulting and beginning to be a semblance of owner/operators/entrepreneurs that I’ve always looked up to. Yes, I have all of a sudden realized that I am making real shit happen and I’m not just an amateur fooling around with ideas and big talk anymore.

It’s a little mind blowing to sit back and realize that, not going to lie. I’ve had a few stark moments of sitting with myself, totally washed over with gratitude and realization of what is here and what is coming towards me quicker then I could ever have guessed, absolutely flabbergasted.

As I write this now, I am sitting overlooking downtown Calgary- 12hrs away from my first vendor show during a Spruce Meadows tournament. RideWell Performance is slowly but surely expanding across the nation, as I had dreamed it would a few years ago (before I even had a name for it). Within 6months of dedicated effort, my rebranded branch off equestrian focused practice is gaining real traction. The simple fact of building a network and a client base in Calgary, a city I’ve always wanted to spend time in routinely, is all of a sudden very, very real.

As I’ve shifted through some transitions of my own the last few months, I’ve come to realize that there are very few limitations on what I can do. On what anyone can do. I’ve always been a bit hesitant to use the words “hustle” and “grind” to describe what I do for my businesses or my visions- because, in all honesty, a lot of the time I feel like I operate at a minimal level compared to what I could be doing.

That statement isn’t meant to be self-deprecating, rather, I just know that when I get real motivated and energized about an idea I do the bulk of the work immediately (I joke that I can launch an idea in 2min flat, but it’s not really a joke.. RideWell was rebranded and launched in a couple hours (website, media outlets, and network initiation) because I was impatient with some slower transitions Integrative was moving through so needed to distract myself..) and then work with what comes out of the cultivation.

Hustling and grinding, to me, imply a forced effort. Even in some of the most exhausted, burnt out moments I’ve had with any of my chosen endeavours- I don’t feel like I’m having to force effort. Things become intensely simple and easy when they are fulfilling the why, or purpose, behind the overall vision.

Driving out to Calgary yesterday, from Winnipeg, I smiled almost the entire 13hrs. I was being hit with memories of all the times I’ve thought to myself “why not do it this way”, or “why isn’t anyone doing this”, or “I can’t imagine doing things any other way”. In the past, I’ve been hit with fear.. surrounding financial commitments, time commitments, and the pure insanity that comes with just following the beat of your own drum sometimes (often). I’ve said before that being an entrepreneur, business owner, lateral thinker, whatever is about accepting the unknown, embracing the fact that money as a concept is designed to ebb and flow (mostly ebb when you’re building), and understanding that just because not many people understand how or why you do what you do doesn’t make you the crazy one.

This life is designed to be lived with purpose. If you haven’t found yours yet.. start asking questions around why you do certain things. Be open to the tiny little suggestions the Universe gives you. Notice subtleties in how you feel around daily routines and tasks. Tap into what you’ve always seen beauty in. Follow it. Even if the directions don’t make any sense… they will eventually.. and the scenic route always has treasures you’re grateful for (whether in hindsight or in the moment).

Stay tuned for more from my adventures out West!

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